My First Love

What do you think bout your first love?

I believe everyone have one, with happy ending or not. So do I...

When a few years ago, still be a innocent student, I fell in love with someone that I never realized. I grew up with him, played with him, and without I realized, time went so fast and we had to separate.

I still remember, when we almost finished our study, we were be more closer and when we had to separate, we told each other bout our feeling.

But, we were still afraid to make a relationship so we just admitted honestly.

I remember when I watched a movie ' Cinta Pertama (Sunny)', everyone said that's a bad or average movie, but I cried almost for the whole film and I thought the story was like mine. I remembered my first love and thought that I wouldnt see him again.
Though about that made me crying for several times. That's time I really want and have someone just for me...

I still believed that he would came back to me, he would kept his promise, because he asked me to wait until he is ready. I waited for several times, yeah.... with my faith, I waited...

But, suddenly I heard that news from my friend that broke my heart, made me cried, and made me be a different person. He left me...

My brother ever said to me," Get your first love is just for the lucky people, so never fell in love deeply with your first love, It just hurt you deeply too"

Yeah... he is right...

I love him almost 6 years even though I tried to love the others men, I just hurt them because of my hatred. I still miss him so much, still cried every night, dreamed a nightmare that he left me alone, and I never trust man again.

Maybe I have not been able to accept he leaving me, I still curious why and his feeling for me is true or not because he still asked me to be his love before he left me...

For now, I had changed be a woman and I found new true love...

But... for my feeling for him? I dunno how to describe about that.

Maybe...this is not full love like past, but heard that  he was with someone else, I feel a little pain in my heart. I dont know why...

Right now, we start to forget this matter and start to make a new relation as a friend.

Sometimes we chat about everything

I ever asked him about all the questions that I had buried so long...

I asked is it true about your feeling, and he said Yes...

I asked why you give heart-shaped necklace to me, and he said that's a hope symbol

I asked why did you leave me? 

he said when I had many problems, you were not here, beside me..

I listened my heart said, "if you know, I'm always waiting for you. If you're looking for me, I'm still in the same place and you can find me. If you turn around, you can see I'm still standing waiting for you. It is a proof that I love you. I wait and always wait, but you never come back and even I can not see your back. I think, I cant wait again and I leave my heart piece there."

he said when I asked you to be my love, you responded like a joke, made me thought you are not serious...

I listened my heart said, " I believe what you say, I say yes when you asked me, but how dare you say I'm not serious? Who is said that he is not ready? Who is said and asked  to wait until ready and well worth to face my parents as a boyfriend? You never know, how much I love you and when you left me, you absolutely change me"

he said again, there was someone who always support and beside me and without I realized, I fell in love with her and my love for you had run out...

I listened my heart said again, " It means, you never love me before.."

So... all of my curious question was answered by him even it hurt me. It's better to know than curious for a long time

Right now, I dunno what my feeling is...

I really love my boyfriend but I cant deny that sometimes heard he loves someone make me feel a pain in my heart, sometimes I think bout him, and sometimes I really want him to be my close friend...

maybe the word " first love is hard to forget and never die because the first time we start loving someone sincerely and without reason " is true...

So...I wanna share a song that I love so much...

First Love by Lee Yoon Ji

Korean

English

Cheoeumen chingucheoreom sojunghan yeonincheoreom Naye maeume neoye mameul deulyeonoheun sunkanbuteo Seolledeon nae maeumeun unmyeongi twehlkeorago Mideotdeon cheoreoptdeon nae cheoeum sarang Summan shwiiyeodo haengbokhaesseosseo Haessalgateun sarangiyeosseo Yeongwonhalkeora saenggakhaenneunde Keu chueoksoge namasseo Ijen apeun mam seulpeun nunmul Nae ppyame gidaeyeodo kwaehnchanha Giyeok sok sangcheo on mom kadeuk Namkyeojyeodo kwaehnchanha Maeumi meonjeo seontaekhan neo Cheoeumsarangeuro chungbunhae Yeongwonhi jigilkke nae cheoeumsarang Charishan mabeobgateun neoye geu ibmajchumi Naye maeume seolleimeun geureohke shijakdwaehtko Bulggotcheoreom tteugeoun sarangeul soksagideut Miraereul kkumkkueosseotdeon nae cheoeumsarang Neoye misoga nareul utkehae Byeolbitgateun sarangiyeosseo Manyang chowasseo keuddaen geuraesseo Areumdawotdeon shigandeul Ijen apeun mam seulpeun nunmul Nae ppyame gidaeyeodo kwaehnchanha Giyeok sok sangcheo on mom kadeuk Namkyeojyeodo kwaehnchanha Maeumi meonjeo seontaekhan neo Cheoeumsarangeuro chungbunhae Yeongwonhi jigilkke nae cheoeumsarang Saranghae haengbokhaetdeon cheoeumsarang

In the beginning, like a dear friend, like lover From the moment stocked your heart in my mind My fluttering heart says that it's the destiny Believe in the immature first love Even if breathing also feel happy It's the love like the sun I thought it'll be forever Only memories left Now my heart is hurt, shedding sad tears Even if leaning on my cheek, it's okay The memory of whole body full of wounds It's okay to remain It's my first heart that first chose you Because it's the first love, that's good enough for me Guarding my first love forever That kiss with you is magical and exhilarating My heart begins to beat just like this Whisper of love that is hot like a flame My first love that had dreamed of the future Your smile makes me smile Love that is like the stars Satisfy at that time with good Beautiful times Now my heart is hurt, shedding sad tears Even if leaning on my cheek, it's okay The memory of whole body full of wounds It's okay to remain It's my first heart that first chose you Because it's the first love, that's good enough for me Guarding my first love forever The first love that used to love happily